Identity Crisis.

For the longest time I always thought you had to be ONE thing in life: Doctor, Lawyer, Athlete, Student, Plumber, etc. I thought that there was no room to be anything else. I mean, why bother? Anytime someone asks you what you do, you usually keep it brief, yes? "I'm an author." "I'm a teacher." "I'm a dentist."

I've wanted to be an actor for as long as I can remember. I also wanted to be a director... and a writer. These things have recently all crossed paths and given me a bit of a shake up. One day I want to find a juicy role and dive in head first. Another day I'll outline a screenplay and the next day I'll be imagining it in my head, even going as far as writing down "director's notes" for the actors I already have in mind. It's been eating at me for awhile now, and I think it has been because I haven't been sure which of these 3 areas I'd like to focus on. But, recently, I've decided to just say "Screw it. I'm doing all 3."

I liken it to having Multiple Personality Disorder: on any given day I want to be creative, and whether it's acting, directing, or writing, well, that doesn't really matter. Beucause the point is to be CREATIVE, and all 3 of these roads lead to that goal. The types of films I write are the kinds of films that are hardly ever made anymore. They're meaningful stories that are written for smart people. And what I mean by that is: I write for people between the ages of 20-80. By writing this way, I leave out the money making demographic of 12-18. But I won't change that (usually). I write real stories about real people. The things I write about are either things that have happened to me or people I know. Or they are written based on conversations I've had with friends and family. However, while making movies, there is that little green thing called money that can make or break it. But I won't stop writing meaningful films that matter to me. I know there is an audience out there who understands where I am coming from. I believe in independent films. I believe in meaningful stories that connect people and ask bigger questions about life, love, happiness, regret, faith, etc. I write about these topics because I BELIEVE in these topics. And I won't stop believing in them.

Acting has been something I've wanted to do since watching "The Masters of the Universe" and "Batman" (1989) for the first time when I was 4 or 5 years old. These two films have stuck with me for my entire life and made me believe in storytelling and characters and heroes and villains. My grandfather used to watch a ton of movies, and any time he did I'd be right there with him. Mostly they'd be John Wayne movies or westerns of some sort, which is probably why I have such a love for the western genre. But I also remember seeing "Alien" when I was very young, and that stuck with me, too. I remember seeing so many movies and just being in awe of the stories and the characters and the colors. I also knew acting was something I wanted to do, but I was kind of a late bloomer and didn't really get into it until my junior year of high school. But in high school, as with everything, I just did it for fun. It wasn't until I graduated that I really started thinking about it as a career.

I started doing shows in York, Pennsylvania, where I grew up. I did shows at York Little Theater and started out as a Bell Boy in a show called "State of the Union." I had, maybe, 4 or 5 lines, but I remember people laughing at them... and that feeling was incredible. I had another small part in the play "Death of a Salesman," which had an incredible cast. I played a New York waiter in an intense scene. Again, I only had a few lines, but I loved doing it and being with the people I was working with.

My next role, to date, has had the greatest impact on my life. I was cast in the emsemble "The Laramie Project." We had 10 cast members, and each of us played 8-12 different characters. It was intense and interesting and fun and heart breaking. And it was the lessons in this show, stemming from real people in a very real situation that took place in 1998, that had a very deep affect on me. It changed my life in a way that made me open my views to the world in a large scale. I was 19 years old and, after every show, being hugged and thanked by audience members for putting on this show. It had such an impact of me. A deep impact. And it's lasted a long time. It was also the first time that I understood that it isn't the size of the role that matters, but what you do with with the words you speak that makes an impact. Since then, I've often looked for supporting roles, because, most times, they are the most interesting roles to play. Coming to this conclusion, I then took on the role of Rocky in the musical "The Rocky Horror Show". Yes, there is a dvd. No, you cannot see it.

I consider myself a "Character Actor". One of the things that's always been asked is "Why don't you want to play the lead? You're good looking! You're pretty!" Nothing makes me more frustrated or irritated than these statements. This is in no way patting myself on the back, but these are comments I've heard a million times, and while I try not to think about it in any way, others seem to only want me playing clean cut roles and cookie cutter people. These are the roles I don't like. Why? Because, usually, there is absolutely no depth to the character. NONE. These types of roles are usually clean cut guys in nice looking clothes who smile a lot and get the girl. Thanks, but I'll pass every time. But show me a character who is a little off balance, someone who has a story and depth, someone who has layers, and I'm all in. I'm the kind of guy who wants to wear the hair pieces and fake noses. I want to grow out a mustache or sideburns and shave my head. I want to quirky roles. I want the roles Gary Oldman and Gene Wilder have. I want the roles Michael Keaton has perfected in his career. I want the Mark Ruffalo and Ethan Hawke roles. Give me the career of Sam Rockwell any day of the week over the career of Keanu Reeves. Sure, Reeves had made a hell of a lot more money and has had some great roles, but Sam Rockwell is, guranteed, to play an interesting, deep, character driven role in EVERY movie he's in. GURANTEED. I will gladly take less money for a more interesting part. GLADLY.

Directing is something I've always wanted to do and, lately, find myself wanting to do A LOT of it. I'm gearing up to direct my first short film next month (May), and I'm having a blast story boarding, casting, rewriting, etc. It's so much fun! I won't lie, it's always fun being the boss. It's another creative thing to do that I really love doing. I love Clint Eastwood for his dedication to acting and directing. Not only has he been in some of the greatest films of all time, but he's directed some of the greatest films of all time, also. Clint Eastwood, Robert Redford, Mel Gibson, Kevin Costner, and Warren Beatty have all won Oscars for Best Director, even though they are "known" as actors. I would love that! That'd be amazing.

I'm at a point now where I am completely comfortable writing, acting, and directing. They are all highly creative and I'm all for creativity. We're often asked the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Why do we have to be one thing? I'm a million different things. And guess what? None of them define me as a person. I write poetry. I paint. I play sports. I'm a husband. I'm a brother and a son. These things are extensions of who I am, but they don't make me who I am.

I've stopped defining myself as just an actor. Or just a writer. I'm not just a son or just a husband or just a baseball fan. And I encourage anyone reading this to stop defining yourself as ONE thing. There are billions of people on this planet, and each of them have a billion different ideas and thoughts and emotions and worries.

Join them.